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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

“A Word”

How many times have you wanted/needed a word from the Lord and opened your bible and received just that.  A word from the Lord that carried you through another day, another hour, another minute!  Those times are too many for me to even tell.  However, not too long ago I was having a very restless night (thank you Grandma for this “disease”).  I tossed and turned.  I had gotten up several times.  I wandered around the house for a while.  I went back to bed, only to toss and turn and get up again.   This time I went and tried to sleep in the guest bedroom so as not to disturb Nathan, who was sleeping so soundly. UGH!  I slept soundly for hours only to wake up, look at the clock and realize it had been about 25 minutes.  So, up again!  Downstairs again.  I had already prayed, so if you’re wondering if the Lord was trying to get me to pray, I had already prayed.  Believe you, me!   So, now I reached for the Bible to see if  He wanted to speak to me through the word.   I opened it up to begin looking for scripture that would possibly  be that “special” word, straight from God and read;  “And to you who are troubled, REST with us,” Well, I sure did like that part.  But then it went on to say, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels.” Okay! I immediately began praying, Lord Jesus come quickly! If You are trying to tell me that I’m not going to receive any rest until you come, the please come NOW!

I know many of you have had something like this happen. It is just comical to me.  I believe the Lord must have a sense of humor and probably had me open my Bible right to that verse for me to read that night.  I got really tickled and I just imagine HE was laughing at me too.

The Lord didn’t come back that night to give me rest,  so now I  just pray for a few hours of sleep each night when I go to bed. Lord help!  Do I dare ask  for “A WORD”?

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I know my title sounds a little odd.  Let me explain.

When I was a little girl, growing up, Mother would load us up in the car every once in awhile and take us down to Bloomington (California) from Fresno to see Grandma and Grandpa Pound and all the uncles, aunts and cousins.  I loved to play around their house, in the yard and if we could get by with it in the sand pile and on the pipes of Grandpa’s business.  However, if we ever got caught (which we did often) we got in big trouble either from Grandpa or Uncle James, Uncle C.W.,  or one of the crew that worked for Grandpa.  Inevitably, one of us kids would get “hurt”.  You know, scrape a knee or get a small cut on a finger or arm.  That was one of the reasons Grandpa didn’t want us playing on or around his equipment.  We loved to climb on the big trucks, etc.  Back to my story….When one of us got hurt and we would run to the house, crying and asking for help, after Grandma saw that we wasn’t  hurt that bad she would always say, “Well, that wouldn’t hurt on my eyeball”.  She would always make us laugh and forget about our little scrape.

A few days ago, I spilled a cup of HOT coffee on my arm and my poor husband thought I had been shot or something really horrible had happened,  by the way I screamed and bounced around saying, “Oh! OW!  JEEEE—SUS!”  and on and on.  He tried to help me by saying, “Oh, I’m so sorry.  Run it under cold water, etc”.  Poor guy didn’t know what to do.  We both thought for sure it would blister and be red and burnt for days.  However, the next day, I looked at it and it looked just like a little scrape.  Nathan looked at it and tried to remain sympathetic but I could tell by the look on his face (he’s not good at hiding his feelings) that he couldn’t understand what all the screaming had been about the previous day. That’s when I just started laughing, almost uncontrollably, all the while trying to tell him what I was laughing at.  That look on his face took me back to much younger days, when I would see that same look on Grandma Pound’s face and she would say, “Well, that wouldn’t hurt on my eyeball”.  🙂

I know I could take this post and make something much more philosophical and maybe even spiritual (grow up already, in the Kingdom of God).  But, I just wanted to share a little Ruby Pound-ism with you and hopefully make you smile.  There was only one Ruby Pound and every once in awhile I feel her “spirit” get on me.  She was quite a character and I’m glad I had her as a grandmother.  She made me laugh more times than I could ever count.

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Isn’t it funny how as we get older, we turn into our parents?  I began thinking about this last Monday (August 2) when Nathan and I was trying to get out-of-town and get to camp meeting in Santa Maria.  We had everything packed and ready to go….then when we got into the car we had to get gas, then go to the store, then go to the bank, etc. One time when Nathan got back in the car after one of our many stops, I said, “Well, Murray do you think we might get it all done”?  To which he replied, “My Lord, Lila, yes we are just about finished”!  You must know that my mother (Lila) and father(Murray) did this every time we were going out-of-town, and as a child I did not like it one little bit.  I could not understand why they couldn’t get it all done before I got in the car, ready to leave. 

Now and then I catch myself saying things just like my mother would say.  I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror not long ago and gasped because I thought I was seeing Mother’s ghost and came to realize it was just me.  “Mirror, mirror on the wall. I’ve become my mother after all”.  There are sometimes Nathan even calls me Ruby (my maternal grandmother), because I will say something that reminds him of her.  

After we got to camp-meeting, finally, 🙂  I was reminded again of things I do and/or things I like that Mother did, when my sister, Linda asked me take a picture of all the motorhomes/coaches at camp meeting and send it to her.  She said that it was Mother’s “fault” that we both liked them so much.  ha! 

Here’s a few other things I’ve noticed that I like that Mother also liked:  An ice cold diet Dr. Pepper,  an ice cream cone from McDonalds, a drive in the country, staying up late with friends and laughing alot, baseball (yes, she liked it), a good cry in a good church service, the clapping of the crowd at a general conference or large gathering of saints (she said it sounded like a rushing river), good preaching/teaching,  singing and good music.  Oh my! This list could go on awhile. 

 Do you ever catch yourself doing things like your parents or grandparents? 

It just happens to us all, I think. 

 Funny how that happens, huh?

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You know how you have to start spelling when your babies get old enough to recognize words?  You start spelling things like, “I think it’s time to put them down for a  n-a-p”, so they don’t start crying, “No nap, mommy”.

This is where the “really bad” part comes in…When you start spelling around your dog.  Yes!  That’s right.  My sweet puppy has learned to recognize words like,  “walk”,  “bath”,  “the groomer”,  “outside” and so on.  These each evolk different reactions.  Izabelle really needs a “bath” gets me a “hang dog” look, tail between the legs and slinking off to find a place to hide. The other word that gets this treatment is,  It’s time for Izzy to go the “groomer”.  I looked for her for several minutes today before I could get her picked up and carried to the groomer.  Ha!  However, words like,  Do you want to go for a “walk” results in bouncing around, barking and snipping at our heals as if to say, “hurry, let’s go”.  “Outside” entails the same response as “walk” except this also means, “when I get out there I will bark and run toward the fence until I have awakened every dog in the neighborhood and they are barking right along with me”.

It’s REALLY BAD in my house folks.  We are spelling around our dog.

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HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU ARE OLD AND DON’T MOVE FAST ANYMORE . . . George Phillips, an elderly man from Meridan, MS was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” He said, “No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.”Then the dispatcher said, “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.” George said, “Okay.” He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now, because I just shot them,” and he hung up. Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them. George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

True story . . . . I LOVE IT.

Don’t mess with old people.

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Dog Praying

A Dog’s Prayer

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle” the ” Chrysler Beagle”?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. Sticking my nose into someone’s backside is an unacceptable way of saying hello”.

7. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffeetable.

8. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.

9. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my bottom.

10. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

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trampolines in texas

Sent to me by Tim Williams.  🙂  Gotta love it!

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